


Glimpse of Hope

by Jonnor



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, One Shot, post simon becoming a vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:59:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6981559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonnor/pseuds/Jonnor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon's having a really rough day and Raphael just can't stop being a douchebag about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Glimpse of Hope

He realized he's up there again. Every time he got sad or scared, he went there. But this time, it was all different. It felt different. It was night.

Simon's sitting calmly, feet dangling off the deck. He stared at the reflection of the moon in the water. His eyes gazed down at the waves slowly coming and leaving. The sound was somehow soothing his wounded soul and body.

The cold wooden structure underneath him wasn’t really comfortable to sit on, but he didn’t mind. That would be the last thing he minded right now.

It was too cold out there. Or everywhere at this point. And yet, he still didn’t feel a damn thing. Almost.

Since he became a vampire, _he still couldn’t believe that_ , he was feeling pretty isolated. He was a monster.

The thing was, he could even feel the coldness inside his heart too. He didn’t wanna think or speak about that. About what happened to him. Not today. Not another day. Never was the best option.

_Monster_.

Simon usually loved Saturday nights, but not this time. This time, he didn’t spend the night watching TV with his family. He didn’t spend the night partying with Clary. He was at the beach, all alone.

The exhaustion he felt was horrible. _Do vampires get tired at night?_ Simon wanted to lay down and let all the sadness in. So he did.

The night sky was beautiful. Closing his eyes, he exhaled all the worries as soon as the cold wind hit him. His body shivered.

Maybe if he’d do this every time, he could live... or not really live with it. Or probably, he could just pretend being human again.

His strong thoughts disappeared as soon someone coughed.  He immediately opened eyes to see Raphael standing above him.

He hated when he did things like that. Appearing out of nowhere. Simon was more than sure Raphael was doing that on purpose. Just to see his scared expression. Simon clenched his jaw and blinked hard until the tears prickling behind his eyes went away. Everything just came back to him. Everything he was trying so hard to forget the whole night. 

Jude breathed a huge sigh of annoyance, followed by millions of questions creating in his brain.

_Why? Are? You? Here?_

Okay, maybe just one question.

He wanted to ask, but he just lay there silently observing his figure from below.

“Watching the night sky alone? Romantic.“ Raphael remarked ironically.

“I’m not in the mood, Raphael.” Simon replied with as much politeness as he could and stood up making his way... anywhere. He just wanted to be alone. He really wasn’t in mood for anything that involved any kind of another human slash vampire being. “Just leave me alone and do your thing, or whatever. Please.”

“Oh no, what’s that sad face for? Having a rough day?” He asked and Simon could feel the smirk on his face even though he didn’t see him at the moment.

And he could still hear Raphael‘s steps behind him.

Simon just broke into a faster walking, already planning to literally run away if needed.

“Please…” Simon repeated. He didn’t care how many _pleases_ he needed to say. He just wanted to be left alone. At least for once.

Be he could still hear Raphael marching behind him.

Simon wanted to yell at him. He wanted to shout how childish he was acting right now. But he was just too tired. He was quiet and ignoring him for once. Even though all the heat was inside him now.

Then he heard another comment directed at him. Then another one. Another one. And another one. As much as he tried to ignore it and block the voice, he wasn’t able to do it. He didn’t exactly hear what he was saying, but he just heard his voice. And that was enough for Simon. The tears uncontrollably came into his eyes.

He finally saw an opportunity to run away without being followed. Simon wanted to calm down which he could do only all by himself. He almost started running fast if it wasn’t for his leg that failed him and caused him to trip on the sand. _Fucking stone_. Now he wasn’t just sad or heated, he was furious. He wanted to scream and curse everyone.

And as if it wasn’t enough, now he heard Raphael taking steps coming near him. He turned around to see Raphael kneeling down probably preparing another snarky remark about Simon’s skills.

“Go the fuck away. Can you not understand I’m not in the fucking mood for you or your snarky remarks. I’ve asked you politely to leave me alone. Two times. So can you finally. Fuck. Off.” Simon finally yelled at Raphael.

But it didn’t sound threating, nor scary. And not because Simon’s voice wasn’t threating or scary. The reason was that while saying that, his tears were streaming down even more than before and his voice cracked in the middle of his speech. Simon hid his face behind his hands.

He could feel the strong gaze on his face, but his head just couldn’t look at him.

“I’m sorry, okay. We always joke and stuff.” Raphael spit out. “I thought it was _our_ thing.”

_Our thing? What?_

Simon was sitting on a cold sand ground. He didn’t even care about anything, nor he understood anything. He didn’t even care Raphael saw him falling on the ground. He didn’t fucking care about anything anymore, but Raphael talking to him and watching him cry while Simon asked him multiple times to leave him alone and him not doing so, was really the last straw. At this point, he was just hopeless and accepted his company.

“I’m not okay... with.... I’m just not.” Simon shouted under his breath, still resting his head in his palms.

This was still new to him. Talking about his feelings. Out of all people – to Raphael. Simon just didn’t know what to do. He wanted to get it all out. But he didn’t want to said it out loud. No. He didn’t want to accept it, because if he said it, everything would be too real. And he couldn‘t let that happen.

But then Raphael did something Simon wasn’t expecting. He expected Raphael to make fun of him. To leave. But not this.

Raphael gently grabbed Simon by his head and put him on his chest. As scary as it sounded.

Simon didn’t really know what was happening. He was aware he was resting in Raphael’s arms. He was aware it was Raphael’s jacket he was crying on. He was aware it was weird.

But why did it feel right at the same time. Why was the heart-beating sound calming him down. Why was the heat of his body so welcoming. Why did it all feel like a home.

All images of him becoming a vampire were slowly falling into his head, because after the week of ignoring it, he finally let himself freely having a peak on them. It was going sluggishly, but it was a progress.

“I’m not okay with being a monster.” Simon whispered.

After those words, Simon could feel the grasp getting even tighter.

How come that even though Simon’s life seemed destroyed, there’s a new glimpse of hope, thanks to Raphael?


End file.
